Winning the the Watercooler War
In my almost twenty years in the mobile and semi-conductor industry, I've never stood around and chatted with co-workers around the watercooler. Either the business I was in simply didn't have water coolers to stand around, or there the water cooler was just located in the most inconvenient of places, like next to the boss's office. So no standing around for me.
Metaphorically, speaking I did indeed spend a lot of time standing around the water cooler chatting with my co-workers. Odd as it may sound, I learned a lot about how conversational styles, both good and bad, in such water cooler scenarios — hallways, kitchenettes, cubicals, empty meeting rooms and the odd actual water-cooler.
Water cooler chit-chat can be fun. It's part personal, part business, and generally speaking, a relaxing break from the doldrums of daily deliberations. But what happens when water cooler talk goes wrong?
Sometimes, as much as you like your co-workers, certain topics are either off limits because of politics, religion, or other types of content; boring, because you have don't relate to what they say; or the timing is just bad — you have to get back to your desk or off the next meetings.
And yet they won't stop talking. How do you get out of that?
It's easy enough to say, hard to enact. We're culturally ingrained to think that "politeness" means not interrupting. But that's a false notion; it takes two people to be in the conversation and if one side of the conversation isn't getting the verbal or physical cues that you'd like to end the chat organically, then they are actually being the rude ones (not on purpose, mind you; people just like to be heard, and you're a great listener!)
To break out of a conversation lock, try this:
- Reach your hand out, palm down, to about belly-button height right in between you and the other person. This is the prompt that you want to say something. If they don't look down readily enough, escalate by reaching up to gentle touch their shoulders.
- As do so, say their name, followed by "I'd really like to continue this, but have a meeting to go to." Or whatever manages for the truth at the moment — such as "I have to get back to work." For example, "Bob, I'd really like to continue this chat, but I have a meeting to go to."
About 80% of the time, this will work flawlessly. No one gets offended; most people are very understanding, and realize how much time can get lost in lively banter. What about the remaining 20% of the time, when the don't pick up the first time? Try their name twice in a row, with slight emphasis on the second one: "Bob... BOB..." (and still keep the hand gesture in there). Using their name is important. We respond to our names in a way we don't respond other words, like "hey," or "look," or especially "um." You'll have to be a little bold sometimes. But don't feel like you're being rude! You've got important things to do, as does Bob. It's work, not play, that you're at.
The war around the water cooler is mild, but sometimes you have to take drastic action to win it.
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